50 Days to Go


How can it be only 50 days until my due date? I just don’t know where the time went! I’m so glad I’ve been conscious of trying to savor as much of this as possible, and I’m overjoyed at how largely pleasant the pregnancy experience has been. How lucky, really.

My days now look a little something like this:

Every third day I can sleep through the night without having to pee at 3am or waking with aching hips. Lying only on my left side is hard work!

My fingers have that early-morning “I can’t move them properly” feeling all day long.

I have the feet of Barney Rubble (though I still benefit from clearly indicated ankles).

I get winded when I talk too much (Daddy is happy about this one, I think) never mind when I climb the stairs or go for a walk.

My irritability and impatience has been largely replaced by crying. Happy tears, sad tears, scared tears. I’ve stopped wearing mascara.

I can no longer re-purpose my own clothes for maternity wear.

Baby kicks can now be spotted from across the room, and it’s getting really Ridley Scott in my belly.

While the girls were folding the laundry the other day I overheard A say this: “These undies must be Mama C’s because they are GINORMOUS!!”

I am so, so anxious about EVERYTHING except for birthing this child and caring for an infant. This has resulted in an epic plan for purging our basement, incessant spread sheets and docs with to-do lists and plans of attack for almost every facet of life, and lots of tears (see above). My belief is that if I put it all “out there” now and try to exorcise these worries, then my subconscious and conscious life anxiety won’t clamp my cervix shut on the big day. At this rate, I’ll be birthing the child alone because I’m pretty sure I’m driving everyone else nuts.

I no longer care about missing out on what’s happening with my first baby (my theatre company) for a couple of months. I went from crying over having to step down and miss out on a show to choosing to miss two shows to relax and enjoy my early days of baby love.

Meeting this little man seems like it will be the greatest moment of my life, and that prospect can cheer me out of almost any state. A tall glass of carbonated water over ice also seems to be a serious mood enhancer, and now that I’ve typed that I can think of nothing else…

In other news, the morning glories I started from seed have taken over our garden. Nothing I’ve grown from seed has ever worked, and I’m so thrilled with these happy little flowers at the start of each day. They bloom in the morning and then they are done, replaced by new blooms the next day it seems. A short life to be sure, but such an impact – they make at least five people smi every morning.

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