My horoscope says that my biggest problem will be deciding which grand idea to pursue. I like this.
I also like the font that this blog is written in. I have no idea if it looks the same to you who are reading it, but it’s a kind of lovely old-fashioned type face that makes me feel like I know what I’m doing.
I know what I’m doing. Sometimes my methodology is so strange that even I am puzzled, but I really, really believe that deep down, some part of me (and I’ll credit gut for this one) knows exactly what’s going on.
The secret is to filter out all the fuzz to get at the heart of what I really want, and what I really want is this:
I want to write, and make really compelling live performances that people will want to go to, and make a living doing both of these things.
I want a family and a baby that was made partially by me.
I want a home to call my own, with my own distinct touches, and a real sense of ownership.
I want to travel.
I want to trust that everything is ok. Really, fundamentally trust that. If you can do this, you have no idea how lucky you are. I used to be good at that too.
I want a sturdy dog with a nobel head.
I want outdoor space to wander with the fore-mentioned sturdy dog with a noble head.
I want a small, beautifully organized studio for making pretty things.
I want a big kitchen/dining area to always host family and friends.
I want weekends at the market with children who are excited by the colours and smells.
I want bubble baths with my girlfriend where we have epic conversations.
I want my boyfriend to read out loud to me in the evenings.
I want quiet romantic, candle-lit moments with each of them, and both of them, and sometimes all alone.
I want to give all of my talented friends opportunities to shine.
I want to touch people by expressing the things they fear, love, dream of, and desire.
I want to leave something behind when I’m gone.
The morning is moving along. I had better get started.
What do you want?
I want to smile more. *Really* smile.
I want to remember and realize everything I’ve seen and promised. Even the nasty, awful, broken bullshit.
I want more mornings at dawn on the beach with my noble (foolish, loving, amazing) dog.
I want a partner beside whom I’m excited to wake up next to.
I want the laughter, tears, frustration and joy of parenthood.
I want to see my friends and loved ones achieve what I see they’re capable of.
I want to be more confident.
I want to enjoy the love I receive in my life and accept it without any doubt, or fear.
I want to not be afraid of my past or my future.
I want to be more creative.
I want to travel with my boyfriend.
I want he and I to express everything to each other freely, to have (epic) conversations often, to be talking to each other, sharing stories and finding out more about one another every day.
I want to wake up beside him more often.
I want to enjoy moments of complete silence, stillness, and solitude
I want stability.